Best Friend

As we aged, we go through a few different phase of life. And the number of friends dwindle (I am not sure whether such word exist. It supposed to mean, 'drop') with years. When we were young, we were always saying 'my best friend this .., my best friend that..'

I don't have a best friend. I think that is, hrmmn... weird - to not have a best friend.

Someone told me, you can only have one best friend. I am kinda greedy. I chose to have few close friends instead.For every phase of my life, I have about 4-5 close friends. Of cos, some did not stay close but we are still friends. We still see each other occasionally. But,hrmmnn, truthfully ... the conversation was not what I used to enjoy. Now I understand why parents always say they have a generation gap with their young ones. I felt the same when I am meeting my childhood friends. Conversation became very official-like.

It's like "How's your work?" (smile) - "Oh.It's ok. what about yours then?" (Smile) - "Yeah,not bad" (more smiles).

I feel at ease when I am with my college,Uni friends or colleagues. Some of them, yes. I still remember I used to be very close with this girl in Uni. She cared for me like her sister. We confide in each other. We talk on the phone occasionally. We meet up for dinner, lunch but never breakfast (cos she has hard time getting up early).Then, we started growing apart. She met a guy and became busy with him and her work. And I became close with another friend of ours. And I started to confide in him. But alas, he won't be here for long for he is migrating to Australia. How weird. Friends come and go. As usual, I will say this is part of life. Before long, I am sure another 'friend' will come and touch my life.

The most I can do for my friend is simply to be his friend. I have no wealth to bestow him. If he knows that I am happy in loving him, he will want no other reward. Is not friendship divine in this? - Henry David Thoreau

Someone we can't live without

Fate chooses you relations, you choose your friends - Jacques Delille, French Poet (1738-1813)

Most of the time, we love them but there are times in which we hated them. Sometimes they hated us too. We grew up with some of them, yet they do not understand us. We thought we understand them but is that really so? Even we do not know ourself 100%. So, who are we to judge them for not knowing the real us?

Have you ever find fault in your friend? Have you ever wonder why they are doing this or that when to you, it is not right? Have you ever been crossed with them for their attitude? Have you ever doubted your friend's sincerity?

I do and I did. Maybe it is my nature as a Capricorn. I doubted my friends. I started doubting people when I found this close friend took me for granted. When she was without a car, she called for me. She stopped calling when she bought her own car. And I thought she was spending time at home. I later found out, she was going out with other friends and she claimed, my house is out of the way. I was heartbroken.

I stopped calling her and stopped keeping in touch with her. She never knew why. I made new friends in Uni. She made hers. I have enough friends in Uni to keep me occupied.They treated me as how I treated them. We treated each other like a family. We care for each other. We take turns to do housework.We take turns to cook. It was a year I will always remember.

It is said, when we seek to discover the best in others, we somehow bring out the best in ourselves. When we think our friend is not doing what we termed as 'right', we unconciously will try to do better. Somehow, our friend motivate us to be a better person. I hate people who take advantage of me thus, I learnt never do that to anyone, moreover my own friend.

I started to meet up with this friend again when she finished her studies. She told me she knows of her habit of taking people for granted. She is not perfect and neither am I. She has a habit in which I can't stand and I am sure I have mine which she can't stand either. So, why'd judge and have no time to love? We can be friend in this life only. There's no such thing as a second take to life.

I can't post - cannot write at the description box. Am I the only 1?

Sunday @ 12:39 - Due to the spam-ware in my desktop. Guess have to post from my office then.

I am bored

I am bored. Don't know what to post. Finished duelling in Mugglenet - earned my points. Dropped in comments here and there - am still bored.

It's F-R-I-D-A-Y today, I am not supposed to feel bored... BUT I AM.

I think I will blog on Saturday.

My Aunt

After all this years, I still miss my aunt. Her memory still stays fresh in me but remembering her, still caused me great pain. I've never talk to anyone about it, mainly because I am afraid it will upset the person I talk to. Anyway, no one will understand how I feel.

My aunt checked-in to a private hospital to remove a growth in her womb. We were informed, it was nothing serious. It was just like any other ordinary operation. When we visited her after her operation, instead of seeing happy faces, the people around her look glum. I noticed my cousin had tears in her eyes.

When we were informed that the growth might be cancerous - we were all lost for words. We were not prepared to hear this.

She passed away in less than a month after the operation. Some people said, it is also 'good' that she leave due to her complications and sufferings. I agree 50-50 on this.

It is always said, when a person leave us - the person only leave us physically but not our memory ... but just think of the agony of losing someone so close. She is just my aunt and her death still makes me shed tears till today. What about her children then? I am sure, they felt worst. I always think ... she is not old.... she is still young. So, how'd come God took her from us? Yeah, I know it is not the matter of age but why her?

The most painful memory of her was when I saw her gasping for breath and when she was shivering from cold, even though it wasn't at all cold.

I still remember clearly, everytime we visited her in the hospital - I did not look at her. I will just sit at the corner and pretend 'this is not happening'. When she talked to me, I will talk cheerfully to her - as if everything is normal. I was living in a make-believe world.

It sounds funny, how my aunt's death can affect me so much - maybe because I am just too emotional in person. I sometimes hated this.

Death ends a life, not a relationship

-Jack Lemmon

No more fish head curry please!

A colleague of mine, got back from China in order to renew his Visa. He is kinda like based in China and comes back once a month to renew his visa. Don't ask me why he is using a 1-month visa and not a longer term visa. They were not able to give me an answer. Not that it is important to me.

This time he is back, he asked us to go for lunch with him. He seldoms stay for lunch when he is back in the office but this time is different. So, off we go - there were 5 of us altogether. All nicely fit in his Altis.

We settled ourself for a nice Indian cuisine - we had chicken, squids, mutton, vege and even fish head curry. I did not really touch the fish, for my house itself have more fish than I can ever finish. You see - my dad likes fishing, so there won't be such thing as 'no fish' in my house. I only took one small bite of that big fish.

Later that night, not really night...it was about 03:15 in the morning - I got up with a bad stomach ache. I thought it was my gastric flu, but this was much worst though. I was thinking, could it be because I did not finish my medicine the other day? But then, the nurse told me to take it only if I needed it. I did not need it then~!

I thought of taking the day off, but if I do that - my colleague will hunt me down and kill me! He said that to me when I was jokingly telling him that I am not going to work (after the meal). Not that I am worried about him hunting me down and killing me (if he is sane enough), but if I don't go to work - he won't be able to finish setting up the training database himself. I am supposed to feed him with data to load in and the clients will be in our office on Wednesday to see the setup.

So I went to work unwillingly. To my surprise, all 4 of us who did lunch together were in the same boat. They were all down with food poisoning. They suspected the fish to be the culprit!

I am not sure about the 5th guy cos he went back to China that same night he bought us lunch.

I Solemnly Swear I Am Up To No Good

Bye, bye Kazaa. Hello Harry Potter!My sis removed my Kazaa and replaced it with Harry Potter-Prisoner of Azkaban game.Reason: Kazaa took up 1G of my disk space and the game cannot run. But thank God, she burned all the mp3 into CD before she removed it.It is not easy to download all those mp3.

It took me about 2 hours (last Sunday) to install and uninstall but there was always an error message. And now, at last my game is working. I stood behind my sis and watched her play. Not sure whether it was a good idea to play, because the game involves jumping from one place to another with bottomless pits. This worries me because I have height phobia. I NEVER know it exist in game too.

I always wanted to try bungee jump (if the older participants in Amazing Race can, why can't I?), I always wanted to do paragliding/handgliding (I supposed it won't be so scary if there is people in the air with you) and last but not least, join in the fun of roller coaster ride.

I still remember, when I was about 8 or 9, I followed my school trip to Genting Highlands. I went on the ferris wheel and all I did was hold on tightly to the bar and prayed the carriage won't drop off.

It wasn't that bad till you hear this. I was 20 and I joined my aunt and cousins in Disneyland Paris for Christmas.Me and my cousins were lining-up for the Space Mountain. My cousins were there before and to them, Space Mountain is nothing exciting compared to the rides in Alton Tower, England. They told me, Space Mountain is just some kiddy ride and nothing to be afraid off. So, I willingly line-up with them but I was fidgeting all the way. But it just doesn't seem right. The tv was showing something like, 'if you have heart problem, please do not go for this ride!'. Errr, you don't have to have a brave heart to go on a kiddy ride, right? And I heard my cousins whispering in German (I was thinking, this is BADDDD).

When we reach the front, about to board on the ride - I found out it was indeed a roller coaster ride...which was supposed to be the scariest among all the rides there. My cousins kept on persuade me to go ... and again and again, said it was nothing scary.

Eventually I have to made a decision: to go or not to go?

I then walked to a french guy who is guarding there and told him I do not want to go on that ride. He told me to walk to the exit and wait for my cousins there. It is like going through the walk of shame in Fear Factor. sigh.

If I am given a chance to choose again, I think I might just go on the Space Mountain. Fear is all in your mind! But why dwell on the past?

Sorry if the post is not as exciting as the title. I like the title so much ... so, I was thinking .. Why not?!?!

Changed the title of my blog

For more info, please refer to my published work.

Contradictions of Travel

A traveller! By my faith, you have great reason to be sad: I fear you have sold your own lands to see other men's; then, to have seen much and to have nothing, is to have rich eyes and poor hands. --William Shakespeare, As You Like It (1599), Act 4, Scene 1

Got the quote above from Vagablogging. It is true people are leaving their own land for a better or greener pasture, or this is what they thought. I am not denying I never thought of the same.

For the past few months, I have been busy contacting some migration agents for free consultations. Their first few initial consultation is free, so why not use them? Moreover, they are the professionals! They know what is best for you!

I am quite satisfied with a few of them - they at least tell you the truth! If they see that you don't have a chance to qualify for migration, they just tell you so. I am not at all unhappy with them for being so truthful. I am actually glad.

But there are those who never say a thing but start quoting you a fee. You ask them Question 1, they answer you Question 2 (sometimes I wonder whether they do read what you wrote). There's also times, where they are answering a question in which I never ask at all! And they don't even bother whether you can pass the migration standard. Eventhough I am not a migration consultant in profession, by reading the Immigration website is enough to equipped me with the knowledge I need. One of them is a lawyer (who turned into a Migration Specialist) whom I got referred to from my aunt. Sometimes I wonder, whether they do dare to look into the mirror and call themself a professional?

Why do we want to leave our own land and settle in a strange land? A place where you know nothing except when you get to read it on the 'www' or maybe you have the chance of visiting it. I have heard of cases where, a person left for another country with the whole family for a couple of years and in the end, they return to their native country. Reason: the children have graduated and went back to the native country to work. While the parents have no one there so they sold their house and return to their own country. My uncle always say this"... but they get to make a few thousands bucks by selling their house because the property price is increasing everyday over there! Just migrate, if you don't like it - you can always come back here". Yes, I agree but in a way, it is easier said than done.

First, you will have to sell-off all your properties here to accumulate enough money/assets to show the migration officer that you can bring enough money to live in that country, in which you won't have to live like a parasite, meaning living on their people's taxes. Secondly, you will have to think whether you will be able to look for a decent job there because, a company usually wants to hire someone who is familiar with the country's work environment and not someone who can just speak their language. Can you just adapt to a new environment? Thirdly, can you move to a country where you have no one? All your relatives and friends are here. Who are you going to turn to when you need someone to talk to? Call the Good Samaritan hotline? Then, you will have to worry whether you can bring your pets along, because it will cost another lump sum of money.

Hrmmn... there's just so much cons compared to pros. So, why are people still leaving?

Should I change the name of my blog?

Got up from my nap. Felt nothing better. Not sure whether it was the effect of the medicine, cos my body was still aching and I find it hard to get up. Walked to the dining room half-awake and finished my dinner. Came online and look at other bloggers' blog. And found that the name of my Blog - My Thoughts is kinda common. I mean, not that it is extremely special but I don't expect to see that many people using it.

Should I just change the name of my blog? Hrmmn ... was thinking of My Evil Thoughts. But I have nothing evil to write ... not that I am going to anyway. It will just spoil my image. hehe...

What about 'Thought of the Stone' or Stone's Thoughts? Since zirconia is a type of stone. There is link to me that way. Maybe, 'My Thoughts & Feelings' or 'My Space' . Gee, this is harder than I thought!

Any ideas?

Wiped Off

Hah? Second time posting this! I never thought the title for this post is jinxed! First, my car plate was missing. Then, an hour ago, just noticed that my car wiper was stolen and now, my blog post was missing.

On sick leave today. Down with gastric flu and my whole body was aching. But it was a rather busy day for a sick person.

Signing off for a nap. I have to! I am sick.

Listening to ...

I am currently listening to: Clay Aiken - Open Arms (originally by Journey).

Clay Aiken

The most successful American Idol contestant. Was the runner-up to Ruben Studdard but bigger than all AI winner put together.

No, this post is not about him. I know nothing about him except for the 2 sentences above. I quite like his songs .. and I do think he has a great voice.

Listening to these few songs everyday (since Monday):-

1. The Way - Clay Aiken
2. Invisible - Clay Aiken
3. Still the One - Clay Aiken
4. Measure of a Man - Clay Aiken
5. Solitaire - Clay Aiken
6. Everlasting Love - Clay Aiken (American Idol)
7. Someone Else's Star - Clay Aiken (American Idol)
8. Open Arms - Clay Aiken (still prefer the version by John Mayer)
9. This is the Night - Clay Aiken
10. Eternal Flame - Bangles
11. She's Always A Woman - Billy Joel (first listened to it when John Stevens performed in AI 3. I will say this is his best performance!)
12. No Matter What - Boyzone
13. Everyday I Love You - Boyzone
14. Let This Be Our Prayer - Andrea Bocelli & Celine Dion
15. To Make You Feel My Love - Garth Brooks
16. Double Trouble - John Williams
17. Natural Woman - Kelly Clarkson
18. The Trouble With Love Is - Kelly Clarkson
19. A Moment Like This - Kelly Clarkson
20. I Can't Make You Love Me - Kimberly Locke
21. Mandy - Westlife (originally by Barry Manilow)
22. Flying Without Wings - Westlife
23. At This Moment (American Idol)

Blogs Surfing

I spent hours looking at other people's blog - a first for me ... and I find some to be rather interesting. For example, Prison Pete! I never really spend time reading his whole blog but it is really unusual to see someone who is in prison, still have the 'mood' to write. He will be out this November if I am not mistaken. I wonder whether the first thing he is going to do is to sit in front of a PC and start blogging on his own. I wasn't sure what he did that he ended up in prison for I am too tired to read. I am exhausted but I do not want to go to bed yet. From my experience, for I am very good in putting clues together - I will say he hack into some bank account or something that has got to do with computers. Why do I say that? Because he works with computers before he went to prison. What an analyzer I am! haha!

Anyway, whatever he did - he already served his time in prison and I guess that's that. I think he deserve a new life, a new beginning. No one is born an angel! Everyone have their own secret, their own dark past. But if they are ready and willing to turn over a new leaf - I think they ought to be given a chance. I am saying this as a general reference to all and not wholly on Pete alone. Otherwise you will think I have the hots for him. haha!

Okay, already past midnight. Time to dream ...

Everybody's Looking 4 that Something

" Everybody's looking for that something
One thing that makes it all complete
You'll find it in the strangest places
Places you never knew it could be

Some find it in the face of their children
Some find it in their lover's eyes
Who can deny the joy it brings
When you've found that special thing
You're flying without wings

Some find it sharing every morning
Some in their solitary lives
You'll find it in the words of others
A simple line can make you laugh or cry

You'll find it in the deepest friendship
The kind you cherish all your life
And when you know how much that means
You've found that special thing
You're flying without wings

So, impossible as they may seem
You've got to fight for every dream
Cos who's to know which one you let go
Would have made you complete"

Taken from Westlife - Flying Without Wings: It pointed out that everyone out there is looking for something, which will complete them. You will never know where you will find it, cos it could be everywhere and might just appear where you least expected it.

But what is that 'something' we are looking for? It could be love, it could be money, it could be happiness, or it could be something that will change your life forever: for better or for worst!

Do we really need to find that 'something' to complete us?

I have been feeling reckless since this morning. I felt something is missing. Don't know whether it was the effect of the song or something that has been troubling me. I have been sitting here hours, in front of my PC and I don't know what I want to do: whether to play tetrinet or to surf net or to download more songs. I have been looking at my yahoo messenger every now and then but I don't have anything to say to my friends. I have been thinking of packing all my necessity needs for my NZ trip but the basket is just lying there. And I felt like going to bed for a nap.

Maybe it is just Sunday blues ... or maybe I just want to block off from my mind that I have to work tomorrow. Time flies.

File Sharing

Kazaa: A peer-to-peer file sharing software.

I was looking for John Williams' - Harry Potter soundtrack on the web but I couldn't find any. Was thinking of buying it, but 3 CDs will cost me a fortune! It will cost about RM40 for 1. Then, I was also thinking of getting a CD of Clay Aiken and there's a 20% discount to it. But, I dunno ... it cost a lot.

Then, someone reminded me of Kazaa! My uncle was telling me that my cousin sent him a kazaa exe. And he wants me to teach him how to use it. Great!

So, I came home and downloaded Kazaa. I have been searching for mp3 since 10:30pm but I still felt something missing. Maybe the need of seeing and touching the CD. When you download, it is just there in your C:/ drive. You don't get to see the lyrics, you don't get to touch the small booklet that comes with it, etc, etc ... And the worst thing about downloading is: your download stop halfway due to the other party leaving the computer or maybe he/she purposedly disconnect you from downloading.

Hrmmn ... should I buy and show my support to the record company or should I just be glad with what I have?

Chocolates

Chocolates ... chocolates ... chocolates ... chocolates ...

Everyone loves chocolates. Right? I don't see how anyone can hate chocolates. We have bitter sweet chocolates, dark chocolates, milk chocolates (my favourite), chocolates with nuts, fruits or caramel fillings and many more weird type (to me) in the market. I was searching on the web for kiwi made chocolate and I found chocolate with kiwi fillings. How interesting! But something I don't mind skipping.

Chocolates ... chocolates ... chocolates ... chocolates ...

But why do people love chocolates? It is sweet and unhealthy.It increases your sugar level. It does nothing but fatten you up.

Chocolates ... chocolates ... chocolates ... chocolates ...

I do not know the reason why I often indulge in my Milka milk chocolate. When I feel stress or angry, I just help myself to my Milka. It started with a small piece then it became 4 pieces. Luckily, it did not go until the whole bar. Not that I can afford to ... my waist line already increased by a few inches these few months. But I always feel better after eating chocolate.

Chocolates ... chocolates ... chocolates ... chocolates ...

Chocolate is something we hate and love altogether. We do not want to have it but we love it when we do. And the worst thing is, we crave for it!

Harry Potter: Was I Hiding?

Part 3
I was hiding. Was I? I was hiding. Why? I was hiding. What for?

I have been hiding away from making a decision - for I do not know whether I will like my decision at the end. That is why I buried my soul into Harry Potter for the past few weeks. Day and night, I look and search for HP. I want to live in the HP fantasy so I wouldn't have to give an answer. I never give my body and brain a chance to rest. I read and re-read HP. I talk HP day-and-night. I watch HP when I am free so I wouldn't have to think of 'other thing'.

And What 'other thing' is that?

September is approaching. And I will be flying to Auckland. Am I coming back to Malaysia? Am I leaving for good? I have been thinking about that since yesterday's meeting.

I asked myself..again and again. Is it worth it? It doesn't come cheap to hire a consultant. And it doesn't mean I will stand a good chance if I engage one. Maybe...

Hrmnn.. I was told... at work... I will be groomed to be an implementer soon. Is my problem answered? I do not want to stay doing what I am doing at the moment and I was told they are thinking of transferring me to another team. Here, I will be able to learn new stuff. I am glad. But how soon is the soon ?

I guess, sooner or later I will still have to made a decision. It is all in my hand. I am sure, if I actually made the so-called wrong decision, there is always a way to come out of it. I know God won't abandon me! And I hope I made a right one. Too many wrong decisions doesn't make a man ... I mean woman wiser, does it?

Harry Potter: Am I Obsessed? Maybe Not!

Part 2

So, back to the topic - Am I really obsessed?

I don't think so or maybe you can put it as, I do not want to admit that I am. I am 26, I am not 16! How can I be categorized as obsessed? I don't wear robes or wizard hat! I don't own a wand, I did not try to ride on a broom and say 'Up'!, I did not try to dip my pen in the ink bottle - not that I have one! and obviously I did not go out looking for Gringgots and refer my money as galleons ... although I always want to call people who piss me off muggle! and I thought it would be nice to have an owl as a pet! Think of the money I can save for mail! But that's that! Nothing more, nothing less.

Oh! I do think about this though - I want to go back to Hertfordshire! I do miss my Uni, but the idea of being able to visit Leavesden Studio make my heart grow fonder. And what's more .. I don't remember visiting Watford when I was there. There's so many places that I have not visited in UK. Maybe I can drop by in one of Professor Snape's play and I will be able to get his autograph and maybe a picture with him! Wow!

"I can teach you how to bottle fame, brew glory, even stopper death - if you aren't as big a bunch of dunderheads as I usually have to teach" - Severus Snape (Philosopher's Stone, Chapter 8, pg 102)

Yup! I am fond of Professor Snape... whom is usually referred as the greasy haired potions teacher. I find him so mysterious and mind you, there's as much Professor Snape's website as any HP's main character. I especially like the scene where Snape and Lockhart were to show the students how to duel. The music score plus the way Snape moves, makes it look funny ... it looks so not him! If you know what I mean ... that's if you have been following the books!

"Mr Moony presents his compliments to Professor Snape and begs him to keep his abnormally large nose out of other people's business" - Remus J Lupin (Prisoner of Azkaban, Chapter 14, pg 211)

I also think Professor Lupin is ... hrmmn... soft. What a word to desribe a man! I don't know how to explain this but I find him to be persuasive in a way. He talks softly, calmly and polite but with a strong impact. I wish I can be like him - talk calmly when I am angry. I can't even utter a word when I am angry.

I personally like Book 5 - Order of the Phoenix the best. It has the most sad ending ... not cos Sirius Black died but it also shows the person you thought to be strongest can be weak sometimes. That's where Dumbledore comes in. He is supposed to be wise and the strongest of the lot.

After all this blogging, I still do not have any website dedicated to HP .. nor Severus Snape .. nor Remus Lupin ... So, will I still be labelled as an obsessed fan?

Maybe I am not obsessed at all! I just want to be part of every characters in HP. I want to be as intelligent as Hermione, as brave as Harry, as funny as Ron, as mysterious as Severus, as good-natured as Remus and as strong as Dumbledore! Hrmmn ... how greedy! That's human nature, right?

Give me some time to decide. I should be back by tomorrow - I am already addicted to blogging.

p/s: I already got my box set of book 1 - 4 and of cos, book 5 too!